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Big Red

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  1. What a class act he always was and his play action to Rick Fenney and pass to Steve Jordan on the curl route will live on FOREVER.
  2. Big Red

    RIP Rick Tuten

    Holy fucking shit. UNexpectedly died during a Costa Rica trip.
  3. I just looked through their roster and coaching staff and I am pissed the fuck off. These fuckfaces have zero Tecmo connections and I put that squarely on the shoulders of Blank and Quinn. How dare those two assholes refuse to have at least ONE former Tecmo'er on the coaching staff? FUCK THE FALCONS. I know for a fact that Belichick drafted Matthew Slater and clings to him as a good luck charm for OBVIOUS REASONS. They will win this game because they honor my Father by having Slater on the roster. The Falcons can go die in a dick-eating contest for thinking that they can do this apart from the Spirit of my Father.
  4. Buck, you're right. This Coconuts fuck uses false idols. Don't ever suggest that bullshit to me again. Ever.
  5. What a stupid fucking movie. They blew up those planets in a matter of seconds using some dumbass sequence of what looked like red lasers. By blowing up those planets they RUINED EVERYTHING that the Rebels fought for in Jedi. It totally FUCKED UP that movie. Great going, dumbass writer. Even if you do want to have them blow up the planets, save it for part IX you stupid fuck. You blew your load in the FIRST movie of the new trilogy. Shitty film. Right there with Phantom Menace.
  6. This is total horseshit that this Panthers team is in the Super Bowl. The only fucking way to simulate is to use the Lions (a cat team with similar colors and a black QB). Plus one of their assistants, Ray Brown, played for the Lions for two years. As for the Broncos, I'll be starting Gary Kubiak at QB when I do the simulation, and remove Clarence Kay in favor of Paul Young to simulate Owen Daniels as a white TE. The Lions do the run and shoot so I will change their playbook to be more balanced, and stick in Jeff Campbell to be Greg Olsen. Praise be to my father.
  7. Last night I ran the Tecmo simulation while burning Temple India incense and with a couple of Belle Fleur candles lit (in honor of Greg Bell). It was com vs. com and I didn't use Marc Wilson since I didn't want there to be a conflict of interest with a Patriots QB named WIlson. Praise be to my Father for showing me this to be the way. The only major change I made was giving three run plays to Derrick Fenner, since he has the highest hitting power on the Seahawks and is most similar to Lynch. Eric Sievers and Marv Cook are both 6'4" and white, so I stuck with Cook since he is the starter. Here's a run-down of the game. Seattle went up 3-0 after a 42 yards catch by Fenner, and then New England got a 70 yard touchdown to Fryar to take the lead at 7-3. That would be New England's last end zone trip. They did get a field goal in the 4th quarter (interesting that it was by Jason Staurovsky, and that the Patriots' present kicker's last name has the same ending sound - Grostkowski. Bow down to my Father, the Tecmo God, shitheads.) Grogan was harassed all day (like Brady will be) as Seattle registered six sacks, one of them a safety, and forced two turnovers. Jacob Green had the safety, and I had just done a good bong rip and honored him by singing a chorus of "Jacob's Ladder." Krieg threw two TD passes (one to Kane, the other to Blades). I stuck with Krieg instead of Stouffer since they had the same rushing speed. Plus, Krieg is 6'1" and Stouffer is 6'3" so I had to go with the shortest bastard. The final was 19-10 Seattle, and that will be the score of SB XLIX. Wilson will be MVP. Big Red
  8. Today I set up Com vs. Com with the two teams. Seattle jumped to a 10-0 lead, but just before the half the Broncos had a great drive that concluded with a Vance Johnson 12 yard TD catch. At the half it was 10-7 Seattle, and honoring tradition I jacked off like a zoo monkey to the cheerleaders during the halftime show and blew my load right before the second half kickoff. In the third quarter the Seahawks got a Tommy Kane TD and that was the only damn score of the 3rd. WIth the score 17-7, Winder ran one in from 5 yards out to cut it to a 3 point game. Then Kelly Stouffer choked on his own balls by throwing an interception to veteran Dennis Smith (C. Bailey). Very next play, Elway hits a wide ass open Clarence Kay (J. Thomas) for a 45 yard TD. It was 21-17 and the Seahawks went into their two minute offense. They drove down the field all the way to the Denver 19. On 4th and 6 with 8 seconds left, Stouffer's pass was broken up in the end zone as time expired. Good news, Bronco fans- Denver wins 21-17. Don't pay attention to the simulation posted with the video here. These assholes used false gods such as a rom and implemented current players which my Father will have no part of. The score that was simulated on my NES system today as I sat on a Turkish rug wearing a leopard bathrobe and sipping a blend of green tea and Wild Turkey...that's the accurate one. All praises due unto the Tecmo God.
  9. But even as of last season (2012) he said he wanted to play because there are so many QBs in the league that suck. He's right. Some team better sign him just out of respect for my Father. Assholes.
  10. This going without saying. I didn't even need to mention it.
  11. I just set up COM vs. COM and ran the simulations, piss wickets. I ate some waffles with country ham and fried eggs and coffee this morning while watching this game... CLE(BAL) vs. NE- I put in Sammy Martin for Fryar as the Wes Welker, as Dykes was more of a Deion Branch. I had Toi Cook as the Aaron Hernandez and Seivers as Gronkowski, setting them up BOTH in similar routes. The Patriots got on the board first on a Seivers TD catch, and the Browns clawed their way to a 7-6 deficit at the end of the first half. Ozzie Newsome, the current GM for the Ravens, caught a decisive 35 yard pass late in the third quarter to set up a 7 yard QB Browns-to-Metcalf TD pass, giving the Browns the lead. The Browns defense stiffened in the 4th and got a 12 yard TD run from Mack (Ray Rice). The final score- Browns (Ravens) 20, Patriots 7. at this point I took a giant, housecleaner dump while reading the Tecmo Super Bowl instructon booklet and did some yoga and meditation before setting up the NFC title game. NYG vs. SF Obviously I put in Jamie Williams for Brent Jones to have a black TE, and I had to put in Hostetler since he's goofy-looking like Manning, and I put in Young since he's closer to Smith than Montana. This game was BRUTAL and I just sat back and watched the defensive front KICK EACH OTHER'S YAMBAGS as I smoked Guinean marijuana and sat Indian style in a robe and wearing a turban. Both teams were picking pass plays and the defenses were picking the same plays. Even when they DIDN'T pick the same plays, they were raping the QBs. JUST LIKE the current defensive fronts for these teams. Michael Carter had two sacks in the first half and three overall, and it was 3-0 Giants late into the 2nd quarter. With no time on the clock, Young hit Rice on a slant for a dramatic TD, making the score 7-3 at the half. 49ers got a TD from Craig in the 3rd and the defenses still kicked each others' asses as Young threw two INTs in that qtr. In the 4th, with the score 14-3 and as I was speaking in tongues while smoking that expensive reefer as well as having some pork rinds and store-brand root beer, a 40 yarder to Taylor set up a Craig TD to ice the game at 21-3. Stephen Baker got a cosmetic TD from Hostetler to make the final score 21-10. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it WILL BE an All-Harbaugh SUPER BOWL!
  12. That was beautiful. Fucking Beautiful tribute.. All praises due unto my father, the Tecmo God. And FUCK the networks for not mentioning that it was a clear Tecmo tribute. I've done the exact play after a 95 yard punt return by Harper LeBel.
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