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Mike Gordan

NFL's Rigged!? Make-Your-Own NFL Conspiracy Theories Here

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Okay, so the idea is pretty much simple.  Take two teams--one NFC and one AFC--and come up with the craziest possible conspiracy theories out there in order to back up how Super Bowl LI is gonna be rigged.  They don't have to follow any sort of practicality nor have any grounding in reality; just do a ton of research in a bunch of convoluted trivial nonsense that is to directly point towards these two teams winning.  And if they fail to make the playoffs?  Well, instead of fessing up to being wrong, just double-down on the playoff teams and reveal what the TRUE conspiracy theory happens to be in order to support how the NFL is rigged and why for yet another series of convoluted explanations.  But what if the matchup doesn't occur exactly as you predicted?  Well, doesn't matter--the game is still rigged, and there has to be some sort of conspiracy between who wins and who loses, and you've got a 50/50 chance of getting it right, right?  Wrong!  Because no matter what happens, even when you are wrong, you are always right; you were simply looking at the wrong two football teams or you made a slight error in your predictions.

 

Let's take, say, the New England Patriots as an example.  If they win, then we know the Patriots must have cheated.  Because Tom Brady is a cheating shithead, and Bill Bellichick is the devil!  Robert Craft must have bought off the refs or something, or bribed the other team to throw in the towel (but make it look convincing), etc.  But if the Patriots lose, then the NFL is conspiring against Brady and Bellichick because they hate that they are successful.  I only single out the Patriots in particular because they are the easiest team in the entire NFL to manufacture conspiracies around, especially since the team already comes with prescripted conspiracies in case the Patriots win or lose.  But it's virtually no good predicting that the Patriots will win it all unless they either win home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, or just shy of that, was clearly the second-best team in all of football heading into the playoffs.  As such, it is currently pointless to discuss Patriots conspiracy theories (although, it did look like they would run away with home-field advantage last season, and we all know how their final six games ended...so I suppose we could still come up with progressive theories).

 

All we have to do is fuel this narrative progressively as the season continues onward.  Maybe not every single solitary week, but as we begin to have more and more a clearer picture on what the NFL landscape currently looks like.  And as our initial conspiracies begin to dwindle away, we begin to steadily shift our conspiracy theories in another direction.  Because no matter what, we are never wrong!  Conspiracy theorists when it comes to sports, are experts at sweeping whatever faulty predictions they made earlier on under the rug in order to pass themselves off as being right, and even if their definitive conspiracy theories proving that the game is rigged proves wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt, they will still twist the story around in order to prove that the game was still rigged; they simply got the results wrong, and will then explain and justify the conspiracy behind the result.  You deny that you were ever wrong, because conspiracy theorists like to utilize closed reading in order predict and influence their own results.

 

So with that said, let me give it a try.  The NFL is rigging this entire season to make sure the Arizona Cardinals face the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl LI.  I mean think about it; what's going on in this current election?  It's Hillary Clinton--the first female Presidential candidate--versus Donald Trump--who comes from New York.  Buffalo, however, is a more predominantly Republican side of the state of New York, so the Bills are to represent the AFC instead of the New York Jets.  But what does Hillary Clinton even have to do with the Cardinals, anyways?  Shouldn't it be the Saints or Bears or something like that?  I mean, Arizona is a Republican state, so wouldn't that just be Republican vs. Republican?  Well, similar to Hillary Clinton, guess what the Cardinals would have in common?  That's right!  The first female staffer ever to have a shot at winning a Super Bowl!  As she is the first female coach ever to be hired onto an NFL team.  So wouldn't that be one hell of an accomplishment then for there to be the first female ever to win a Super Bowl ring--even if she's just an assistant?  As for the Buffalo Bills, I again, state this as representation of Donald Trump's home state of New York, as well as representing the Republican party as a whole!  So, with that said, whoever wins the election will be indicative of which one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.  Just you watch!

 

Remember back in 2008?  The Presidential election was between Barrack Obama and John McCain.  Guess who made the Super Bowl?  The Cardinals from McCain's home state, and the Pittsburgh Steelers--who were coached by an African-American!  Because Obama defeated McCain in the election, the Super Bowl reflected the outcome of the Super Bowl!  I'm telling you, it's rigged!  Just you wait!  The Arizona Cardinals are gonna play the Buffalo Bills, and depending on the outcome of the Presidential election, we are gonna see who between these two teams are gonna win!  I guarantee it!  Just wait!  You'll see!  And since I'm predicting a Trump victory, I too am gonna go predict a Buffalo Bills victory against the Cardinals.  Why?  Because it's rigged, man!  It's all a conspiracy!

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my initial wack ass conspiracy theories...

 

1. there won't be a super bowl due to US being civil war.

2. there won't be a super bowl due to US being under martial law, by incumbent.

3. the super bowl will be suspended due to ISIS threatening USA if Trump becomes president.

4. the NFL season will be suspended due to ISIS threats because ISIS doesn't want Trump elected.

5. there will be "LGBTQ" players and the first "LGBTQ" super bowl winner.

6. I have not done the research, but there must be a team that is "LGBTQ" "friendly" or has the support of this so-called "community" and will win the Super Bowl.

7. growing "Black (and no other color) Lives Matter" protests suspend the Super Bowl due to threats that BLM demands their own "black-owned" team.

8. many "black" NFL players withhold from playing in the Super Bowl because they, as "black sports 'slaves'", don't make as much money as "privileged 'white' team owners" and they say it's not fair.

9. I don't know what teams, but Trump will run his mouth and accidentally "give away" who wins the Super Bowl - 3 months in advance, because of his "inside knowledge"

10. the team with the most direct connections to players who were on 1991 TSB will win the Super Bowl

 

edit - I don't think i responded properly, as the subject assumes that the "NFL is rigged" (and I actually believe that is somewhat is), however, it is worth nothing that these "political" conspiracy theories listed above would trump any NFL conspiracies.  

I will come back later on with maybe some "logical" NFL conspiracy theories besides these.

 

Edited by buck

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39 minutes ago, buck said:

my initial wack ass conspiracy theories...

 

1. there won't be a super bowl due to US being civil war.

2. there won't be a super bowl due to US being under martial law, by incumbent.

3. the super bowl will be suspended due to ISIS threatening USA if Trump becomes president.

4. the NFL season will be suspended due to ISIS threats because ISIS doesn't want Trump elected.

5. there will be "LGBTQ" players and the first "LGBTQ" super bowl winner.

6. I have not done the research, but there must be a team that is "LGBTQ" "friendly" or has the support of this so-called "community" and will win the Super Bowl.

7. growing "Black (and no other color) Lives Matter" protests suspend the Super Bowl due to threats that BLM demands their own "black-owned" team.

8. many "black" NFL players withhold from playing in the Super Bowl because they, as "black sports 'slaves'", don't make as much money as "privileged 'white' team owners" and they say it's not fair.

9. I don't know what teams, but Trump will run his mouth and accidentally "give away" who wins the Super Bowl - 3 months in advance, because of his "inside knowledge"

10. the team with the most direct connections to players who were on 1991 TSB will win the Super Bowl

 

edit - I don't think i responded properly, as the subject assumes that the "NFL is rigged" (and I actually believe that is somewhat is), however, it is worth nothing that these "political" conspiracy theories listed above would trump any NFL conspiracies.  

I will come back later on with maybe some "logical" NFL conspiracy theories besides these.

 

Lol.  Though to be fair, I highly doubt anything outside of a lost season due to a player's strike, or an all-out disaster or war would ever keep the Super Bowl from taking place.  Number 9 would probably be the likeliest outcome for a rigged NFL season.

 

Black Lives Matter demands a black-owned team?  They already have Cam Newton!  Although that is another excellent conspiracy theory--that BLM would demand the NFL hands the Panthers a Vince Lombardi trophy, because....

 

A.  Cam Newton's the QB (and he's the blackest QB in the NFL...or at least, had to remind everybody how scared defenses and coaches were over facing him 'cause he's black (which, if anything, probably wound up costing him and his team a shot at history last season for essentially provoking the Broncos' defense)).

B.  The Carolina Panthers might as well be called the Black Panthers, since they changed their home jerseys from a gaudy sky-blue to gangsta black.

 

No, I'm not being a racist here, but still.

 

LGBTQ?  Why, if that's the big seller, then the San Francisco 49ers are guaranteed the Lombardi this year.  Yeah, well, the thing is, I doubt these wacko conspiracy theorists would ever jump at the opportunity to kickstart the Super Bowl rigging with what many are debating will be this year's worst football team--take that, debatably the second worst NFL team in the league; it appears the Browns are the only team in the league that nobody can find any redeeming virtues whatsoever.  Doesn't matter; they'll say the NFL is rigged based on some outlandish conspiracies, and it's gonna involve the top 16-or-so football clubs heading into this season.

 

Actually, come to think of it, just how is the NFL even rigged anyways?  The refs or Vegas?  Both common conspiracies, though there are answers.  Outright, no.  The NFL has no power over their referees; the relationship between the two organizations, while organic, are not symbiotic the same as the NBA was (where the NBA was notoriously rigged in favor of the same group of teams every single year for the longest time--the Cavaliers coming back 3-1 to win it all, however, had definitively signaled the end of that particular area of sports corruption).  Same with Vegas; Vegas had nothing to do with the NFL's scheduling, the coaching or the referees, and are simply there to try and make as much money as they can off failed bets (and have occasionally lost big in the casinos--heck, they had to lower the Super Bowl odds last year because they feared losing too much money (since there was overwhelming support of the Denver Broncos winning it in spite being the underdog).  Plus, the NFL is gonna make far more money on their own than from Vegas anyways, so it's a moot point.  Well, to an extent.

 

I mean, the refs could still technically rig a football team, depending on the teams playing, where it's being played, and what kind of fanbase they have to deal with.  If they are gonna be reffing in an incredibly hostile environment, they are far more likely to show some leeway towards the home team than they are towards the away team.  But even so, they're not gonna draw a crap ton of false flags on the away team, and the away team can still win in hostile territory even if the home team is heavily protected from all the penalties being thrown.  But beyond the incredibly rare moments where a ref or two might be big fans of a particular team playing in said game (and those refs move around a lot and come from all over the place; so there is nowhere near as big a risk of a rigging from favoritism in that regard as there was in, say, basketball), that's really as far as it possibly goes for refs rigging games.  And yes, refs can lose a game for a given team due to bad calls during pivotal plays and all that (and it sucks when it happens), but for the most part, such bad calls can possibly be rectified or overcome if the team is good enough to win in spite of the mistakes.

 

The last thing is outside forces like the 12th man doing everything they can to sabotage the opposing team's schedule, but that's merely a rabid fanbase getting back at a team because their team felt bitter over a loss.  Or because they hate anybody that can possibly threaten their own team's chances at winning (look at the Raiders, Bengals, Eagles, and Seahawks' respective fanbases as examples of incredibly bad tact, especially against a rival team).  But outside of causing as much loud noise as they possibly can to overwhelm opposing offenses, there's really nothing the 12th man can possibly do to fix the game in their team's favor.  Want an example, Carson Palmer and Tony Romo--as much as people have made fun of them--have indeed came into Seattle at various points in their career and managed stunning upsets against the Legion of Boom.

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Just as a heads up, who needs logical NFL conspiracy theories?  Just make them as convoluted and as ridiculous as humanly possible, with no bearing on any reality, and which would require far too much thought and effort to be put into so much as a motivation.  I saw a couple of outlandish conspiracy theories surrounding Super Bowl LI in which the guy guarantees a Vikings vs. Colts Super Bowl.  And his lone claim to fame was that he predicted the Broncos would defeat the Panthers--which, by the way, was a 50/50 guess anyways.  I suppose claiming that the NFL wants a certain player to retire a world champion would be their big reason to rig Super Bowl 50 in Denver's favor is another simpler way to prove that it's rigged.  Another simple reason people would use is dependant on whether or not the Patriots are even in the Super Bowl to begin with.  If they win, it's because they cheated.  But if they lost, it's because the NFL rigged it against them since they hate Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick.  Both are prescripted responses to justify the outcome of a Patriots Super Bowl.  And outside of that, only a retiring football player (with a likely spot reserved for the hall of fame in the near future) can trump these things and are easy evidence of NFL rigging.  For example....

 

The salary cap and free agency were both designed specifically to make sure dynasties no longer happened.  The Cowboys during their 1995 season would have been their last shot at a dynasty because the team Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson had built was already dying as a result of these things.  Even the 49ers had their final shot at maintaining their own Super Bowl dynasty in 1994 since that was one year after Salary Cap and Free Agency were added into the NFL, and the teams that dominated for so long were only starting to feel the noose around their necks.  As such, we could say that the Salary Cap and Free Agency are the ultimate in rigging the NFL--as in, these things were designed to make the entire NFL landscape more "fair" for the rest of the league.  They were meant to be dynasty killers.  At best, you might be able to win two Super Bowls, but there's definitely that timetable you have to keep in mind if you wish to win that third Super Bowl ring and become a dynasty.  The NFL then wouldn't mind if you won your second and third rings a decade or so apart from one another (and they can at least grudgingly accept a team winning their second in a relatively small timespan, so long as they do not win a third and become a dynasty).  They don't want any dynasties, which is why we haven't had one since the Patriots from 2001-2004 (though it could be argued that said dynasty has continued to this very day thanks to their recent 2014 win, and in spite of painful losses in 2007 and 2011).  The closest we have gotten to another Super Bowl dynasty alongside the Patriots have been the Pittsburgh Steelers, and they failed to establish a second dynasty for themselves when they lost Super Bowl XLV.  However, the window is still open for the Steelers--and for that matter, the New York Giants as well--since not an awful long time has passed since their last Super Bowl victory yet.

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The NFL knew about Bountygate since the beginning, but they held off on the investiagion until a few years after the super bowl. This was so the NFL could reap the benefits of all the good press that they were getting because of the Saint's success ("It's giving New Orleans something to cheer about", "The Saints are a symbol of hope", "Rags to riches", "Who doesn't love rooting for the Saints, they're so likable?", blah blah blah)

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and The Bucs won "Pirate Bowl" smack in the middle of Pirates of the Caribbean being filmed; and exactly 5-months-and-2-days - TO THE DAY - before it went to screen ...

And it was played in California...

and so is Disneyland

 

Edited by Bolt

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I think Dan Dierdorf got fired or demoted from natty tv for blurting out the pre-determined winner of a natty-televised broadcast, while the game was still in progress ...

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The NFL made a secret handshake with Zimmer to throw (effort at) their game against Philly, last playoffs - because they're too chicken-shit to imagine any team (potentially) actually playing a SB at their own stadium for the first time, EVER - in exchange, they'd help the Vikings to roll to the SB, this year.  The hilarious irony will be, not only when MIN gets toppled by the lowly Falcons in the playoffs - AGAIN - who will then go on to play SB in Atlanta... (only to swallow more defeat, of course) but SKOL won't even make it past a clowning at the hands of Peg-Leg Pete, next week!

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How much you wanna bet refs put down a warped ball to give Brees his 32-fecta?

 

 

justin-tucker-missed-extra-point.jpg?qua

Edited by Bolt

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Moving XP's back feels needlessly annoying, but it's not as irritating as the farther up kickoffs, might as well not even have them.

 

To fit in with the conspiracy theories. Owners saw Kickers were getting too much money, in an effort to give QB's and other star players more money they moved the XPs back and completely destroyed the kicker position like they did the RB position.

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5 hours ago, Knobbe said:

Does anyone think moving the ball back on XPs has improved the game?  If so, tell me why you think so.

I do. I like that it's not as automatic. Also, I believe when you are up 1 point late and score a TD in the NFL with this rule, teams should go for 2. If you make it, you're up 2 scores. If you miss, the XP is still not a gimme. 

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