Mike Gordan

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About Mike Gordan

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  1. And yet that's still an overwhelming--yet extremely vocal--minority of the U.S. population. Colin Kaepernick is a bust, pure and simple. I saw his play in 2013, and aside from his scrambling, he wasn't very good.
  2. The Unlucky 13 as the title implies are the 13 teams that to this day have yet to win a Super Bowl--four of which have never even played in the Super Bowl. As a reference, here are the Unlucky 13: Arizona Cardinals Atlanta Falcons Buffalo Bills Carolina Panthers Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns Detroit Lions Houston Texans Jacksonville Jaguars Los Angeles Chargers Minnesota Vikings Philadelphia Eagles Tennessee Titans And of these 13 teams with the most unfortunate of fates, which of them will be the first to hoist the Lombardi Trophy? Me, personally? I'm gonna be bold on this one and select.... The Tennessee Titans 2016 saw the Titans make some incredible strides, having defeated the Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions, and Kansas City Chiefs--all playoff teams--as well as toppling the defending Super Bowl champion Broncos. I think should the Patriots go south within a year or two, either the Titans or the Raiders will step up and reach the Super Bowl. Some would also include the Steelers too--who may be looking at their last shot at cementing a Super Bowl dynasty of their very own (only the Giants also have a realistic shot at a Super Bowl dynasty) before Big Ben retires. So perhaps give the Titans a year or two--or maybe they'll just have a Cinderella story for the ages this year--and maybe we'll see them hoisting the Lombardi Trophy at last. The Houston Texans are pretty close as well, though I think their championship window is shrinking. If they can't get any consistent quarterback play, and they don't get it done this year, they might not be able to get it done at all. As for the NFC, I'm struggling to figure out who out of that pool could possibly win their first Lombardi Trophy either this year or in the near future because the NFC doesn't have a consistent champion, especially not among them. Maybe the Panthers? Some would say the Falcons as well, but given the way that they lost the Super Bowl last time, I'm gonna say they wind up missing the playoffs instead. Maybe the Eagles, but I'm seeing a more Peyton Manning-type QB in Carson Wentz rather than a Big Ben or Tom Brady-type of career. At least he has a stellar defense behind him. But I have to theorize that for as long as the Eagle fanbase continues to be so unabashedly unhinged, the Eagles will continue to suffer. And the Arizona Cardinals, I'm gonna predict, will have their very last shot at Super Bowl glory this year. If they don't get it done, both Carson Palmer and/or Larry Fitzgerald will retire, and the Cardinals will enter the bargain basement for quite a long time. So what do you guys think? Or is there an optimistic Cleveland Browns fan that have high hopes that a Super Bowl dynasty might be on the horizon? No mocking. But please explain why and discuss in a civil manner.
  3. To Sony Pictures: You hired Akiva Goldsmith to help script the latest Dark Tower Movie!? ROFL you are so fucked!
  4. 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. 8 out of 100 on Metacritic. Granted, somebody's gonna feel sorry for it and give it a positive review out of pity just like they did with Norm of the North. But at least Norm of the North was made by a nobody film studio. The Emoji movie is only the recent disastrous exorcise in cynicism and greed from Sony's film studios as a whole. The same studio that basically made Spectre the most expensive movie ever made, especially when you take Marketing costs into account, essentially forcing the studio to shoot for a billion dollars just to break even. Oh, wait! It couldn't even make that much money worldwide. The same studio that took the much beloved Ghostbusters property and politicized it, while simultaneously gunning for a cinematic universe that will probably never happen. The same studio that rebooted Spider-Man twice with hopes of making a cinematic universe entirely around him. And in spite the recent attempt making good money and getting good reviews, they're just going to cast it aside after another movie or two so they could reboot it AGAIN without Marvel Studios' help. The same studio that, in the same swath of emails that were leaked a couple years ago--emails that mentioned films like Annie, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Pixels, and a few other notorious pieces of utter $#it, mentioned that Aloha! was the worst thing they ever did. The same studio that essentially unleashed Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Amy Schumer, and Will Ferrell upon the world. Good Lord, I need a drink! The same studio that after making two crappy Smurfs movies, decided to make an animated version more faithful to its source material, made no effort to market it, and essentially half-assed it in the writing department all in an effort to stick their noses up and declare, "See!? We listened to you, and look what happened!? F*** you! We're making movies our way!" The same studio that, even when they make a good movie from time to time--like with Zombieland or Baby Driver--they still feel compelled to shoehorn in as much product placements as humanly possible, especially their own products--because these people are a bunch of whores. The same studio that allowed Amy Pascal to run rampant to strong-arm various actors and filmmakers into praising Sony's films to the hilt under the threat of getting sued and blacklisted--just ask Monique, who refused to get into the political game along with the rest of Hollywood--while simultaneously hijacking the productions of other films to reflect her twisted feminazi views. The same studio that, instead of attempting to innovate and create new and unique properties, rips everybody else off to be derivative, while putting no effort whatsoever! Yeah, no wonder I am boycotting this studio's films in general. And the Emoji movie seems to be the epitome of everything that is wrong not just with Hollywood in general, but specifically of Sony's movie branch as a whole. Ever since they started attacking people and rallying the media to their cause in attacking and destroying anyone and anybody that dared say anything bad about their movie because their trailers were godawful pieces of $#it, including among other people, a man named James Rolfe (aka, the Angry Video Game Nerd), who made a YouTube video addressing why he was not going to see the latest Ghostbusters movie was because it looked awful. Keep in mind that the guy is not a professional film critic but an entertainer and filmmaker himself, and he was simply addressing the demand in a carefree and appropriate manner. And the media basically made him out to be worst than his AVGN counterpart and labeled him a sexist. With backing from Sony. I only broke the rule one time with Baby Driver, but even then, I used a free movie ticket that I got to see it, as the boycott is merely because I am waiting for this studio to burn to the ground someday. Not by a criminal arson, mind you, but rather by their own stockbrokers who are forced to foreclose the studio because their money was bursting into flames and the company is facing the threat of bankruptcy each and every day. Maybe unleash James Bond back in the private sector so that Disney may come in a swoop it up and start it over with a clean slate. And the fires that consume this studio may perhaps serve as a rebirth of the new era. Until then, enjoy watching this studio continue to self-destruct each and every week in such spectacular ways that it would make the Cleveland Browns look like the next great dynasty. To be fair, many of the NFL's greatest dynasties all came originally from some of the most abysmal of NFL franchises anyways, but I digress. This studio refuses to change their practices, even as they continue to blow up in their faces. Sony's films seem to exist for the sole purpose of meeting the bottom line, and yet they do not know how or care to learn how to market their films properly or to make good movies. The few good films they do make come from some highly respectable talents like Edgar Wright with Baby Driver, Woody Allen, or Quentin Tarantino with The Hateful Eight. Or out of derp releases like Zombieland or 22 Jump Street. And I haven't even gotten into the movie itself. That's because I'm not gonna watch it. I wouldn't even recommend it to your kids because it is as blatant as can be how bad it is. Heck, even corpses and blades of grass would hate it. The only thing that I could possibly recommend the Emoji movie would probably be if you have a pig pen, because pigs love to gobble down on dem $#itty movies! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to watch Peyton Manning's Super Bowl LI party.
  5. Oh, and the Saints shut out the Redskins 49-0.
  6. I decided to leave Week 7 to the computers because the Falcons and Saints were playing each other. The Falcons won a 28-27 thriller. 'Nuff said. Week 8: Atlanta Falcons (7-0) vs. Los Angeles Rams (5-2) The first half was in essence a defensive epic. After forcing a Safety on the Rams' opening possession, the Falcons returned the subsequent kick deep into Rams territory, and Bartkowski and Andrews teamed up to lead their team downfield for a touchdown. The Rams' offense wouldn't collapse the remainder of the half, however, as Cullen Bryant torched our defense 80 yards for a touchdown, and would later on continue to torch our defense for nearly 200 yards on the ground. The Rams' defense slowed us down a bit, but the Falcons were meticulous on offense, and they were able to keep the Rams from scoring on the final play of the half to maintain a 23-14 lead. In spite getting the ball back first, the kick returner fumbled the ball and the Rams returned it for a touchdown. It would, however, be the final score of the game for the Rams as the Falcons stuffed Cullen Bryant the rest of the game. In spite of humbling offensive stats, the Falcons won by the score of 46-21. snap0017.bmp
  7. Saints game against the Lions was pretty boring as well. Won 62-0. That's pretty much it. But the next game in week 7 will be the first of two clashes between the Saints and Falcons. Who will continue to go undefeated?
  8. Week 6: Atlanta Falcons (5-0) @ New York Jets (2-3) Atlanta Falcons KR Reggie Smith opened up the game by returning the opening kickoff 80 yards for a touchdown. Beyond that, there really wasn't much to talk about. The Falcons only allowed one offensive touchdown all game long, and racked up 9 touchdowns themselves and three Safeties to route the Jets 69-7 and to go 6-0. snap0016.bmp
  9. The Saints opened up their game with the Cardinals by stuffing up O.J. Anderson and forcing a Safety. And Jimmy Rogers returned the kickoff all the way for a touchdown to make the score 9-0 in the blink of an eye. Mel Gray returned the favor to close in within 2 points once again. But after yet another big return from Jimmy Rogers, Archie Manning through a 20-yarder to Henry Childs for yet another touchdown for the first offensive yardage of the game. Not much else happened in a 62-28 thrashing against the Cardinals that sent the Aint's to 5-0.
  10. Week 5: Atlanta Falcons (4-0) vs. Detroit Lions (2-2) The first quarter was filled with brutal misses and sacks. But the Falcons still got a couple big plays that were returned for touchdowns. But the Falcon defense was not well-equipped for the Lions' running game. And when they shut the running attack down, they ended up giving up a touchdown in the air to make the score 14-7 heading into the first quarter. Instead of settling for a distant field goal, the Lions went for it on 4th-and-1 and converted, and eventually got a touchdown out of it. The half closed with the Falcons up 28-7, with our aerial attack covered in holes. snap0014.bmp The Falcons' defense got torched on the Lions' opening kickoff, and in spite my best efforts, ended up surrendering a touchdown. To make matters worse, the Falcons fumbled their subsequent kick return and the Lions returned it for yet another touchdown to come within one score with the Falcons. The Falcons' struggles have continued, though RB Andrews continued to carry his team. And when the run game failed to get much mileage, Bartkowski would find an open receiver to make a play. And he indeed did to climb up 35-21. With a bit of luck, I forced a punt from the Lions to end the third quarter. And in the fourth quarter, Lynn Cain fumbled the 3rd-and-1 play only for offensive lineman R.C. Thielman to recover it and run it in 60 yards for a touchdown to put the Falcons up 42-21. And after forcing a fumble, Lions RB Bussey recovered it and ran it all the way for 70+ yards for a touchdown, and the Lions recovered the onside kick. But the Lions stalled, and the Falcons escaped with a win 49-21 to go 5-0. snap0015.bmp
  11. So Week 4 between the Saints and the Dolphins was quite the epic shootout as throughout the entire game, both teams were exchanging touchdown passes to each other. There was one 3-and-out the Saints forced on the Dolphins, whereas the Dolphins recovered a fumble from Jimmy Rogers deep in Dolphins' territory. Interestingly enough, both times the Dolphins kicked gave up the ball to us in the second half, they kicked it so deep that the Saints were only able to recover it both times at their own 3-yard line. First, it was Jimmy Rogers that led the drive and ran out the clock until he fumbled the ball. The second time it happened, it was Archie Manning leading the 1-minute drill to try and get his team into field goal range with a pair of Hail Mary's. But the second pass was returned by Wes Chandler all the way down for a game-winning touchdown. Instead of risking another drive on the Dolphins returning the kick for a touchdown, the Saints settled for an onside kick in order to run out the clock immediately, and take home the win 42-35.
  12. Week 4: Atlanta Falcons vs. San Francisco 49ers After forcing a Safety, Reggie Smith returned the kick for a touchdown to immediately jump up 9-0 against the 49ers. After a 4-and-out, the Falcons offense struggled a bit but eventually reached the endzone for a touchdown. After forcing yet another 3-and-out, RB William Andrews took off for 80 yards for a touchdown as the first quarter came to a close. After forcing a Safety, QB Bartkowski completed a deep pass to Jenkins and then Andrews ran it three times for a touchdown. A 3-and-out later, the Falcons with the help of Andrews' rushing led to a 39-0 lead extension. The 49er's finally got a first down, but it was all for naught as time in the first half expired. snap0012.bmp The Falcons opened the second half soaring through the skies, and racking up the score to 53-0, forcing a three-and-out inbetween drives. The Falcons then forced a fumble and recovered inside the 49er's 10-yard line. After scoring off a 4-and-out, the Falcons kicking team allowed a 40-yard return from the 49er's, whose return specialist nearly led the team to a touchdown. QB Steve DeBerg got a first down, but then a Falcons cornerback intercepted a deep pass at the Falcons' 20. Bartkowski meticulously led his team downfield for the score that ended the game 74-0. William Andrews rushed for 194 yards while 182 out of Bartkowski's 275 yards passing went to Alfred Jenkins. snap0013.bmp
  13. I decided not to do the play-by-play of my Saints game with the Buffalo Bills, but needless to say, the Saints won 51-24 with the final play of the game coming by a Safety. Early game was very back-and-forth, while the third quarter was an exchange in turnovers. I was up 28-24 at the half, but by shutting down the Bills' passing attack, I was able to come away with a win. snap0011.bmp
  14. Week 3: Atlanta Falcons @ Miami Dolphins A deep pass to WR Wallace Francis was followed up by a touchdown pass to Lynn Cain. After forcing a Safety, Bartkowski threw a deep pass down to Francis for a touchdown. After yet another Safety, Bartkowski threw a deep pass to Jenkins for a touchdown to go up 25-0. The next touchdown came when Fulten Kuykendal anticipated a lateral pass and intercepted in for a touchdown (think final play of the first half of Super Bowl XVIII). We forced yet another Safety and Francis caught yet another deep pass for a touchdown to go up 41-0. All in the very first quarter. Kuykendal then anticipated the same play as earlier and intercepted yet another lateral for a touchdown. Yet another Safety and a deep pass to Francis for a touchdown. Kenny Johnson then scored another defensive touchdown to take the score to 64-0. A Safety later, and the Falcons were pinned down at their own 30. Jenkins caught a deep pass for a touchdown. The first half ended with yet another pick six to take an 80-0 lead. snap0009.bmp The very first play of the second half was yet another Safety. And the Falcons spent the remainder of the game running the ball downfield. Buddy Curry scored the last pick six of the game as the third quarter dwindled. The Dolphins never secured a first down, and the game ended with a field goal and the final score of 99-0. snap0010.bmp
  15. Week 2: Atlanta Falcons vs. New England Patriots The Falcons stuffed the Patriots' run-option offense after pinning them down at their own 3-yard line, forcing a Safety. On the first play from Scrimmage, the Falcons capitalized with a pass to Alfred Jenkins for a touchdown from QB Steve Bartkowski. After another deep pass to Lynn Cain, Bartkowski handed it off to RB William Andrews repeatedly for yet another touchdown. The Falcons forced a 3-and-out to close out the 1st quarter up 16-0. First play of the second quarter, Alfred Jenkins caught another deep one for yet another touchdown. The Falcons then forced a fumble and recovered it inside Patriot territory. After a few plays, Lynn Cain scored a touchdown pass to put the Falcons up 30-0. After forcing a 3-and-out, the Bartkowski threw yet another bomb downfield to Alfred Jenkins--this time, he made it all the way down to the Patriots' 7-yard line before being tackled. William Andrews then punched it in himself for yet another touchdown as the first half expired. Score 37-0. snap0007.bmp The Falcons got the ball back to start the first half, and Bartkowski began it by tossing it repeatedly to Alfred Jenkins for a touchdown. After forcing a 3-and-out, the Bartkowski tossed a deep bomber to Cain before Andrews punched it in himself to increase the score to 51-0. Andrews continued to run the ball virtually nonstop all throughout the 4th quarter before he entered the end zone for a touchdown. After forcing a 4-and-out, and Falcons put the game away by the final score of 65-0. snap0008.bmp