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NFL 2017-2018 Season Discussion

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3 hours ago, Maynard_G_Krebs said:

Outside of Tom Brady going down, Dont'a Hightower reportedly out for the year with a torn pectoral is the worst news for Patriots. Big time loss. Like, potentially game-changing for the post-season.

 

Hightower might actually be worse.  Using the completely made up, fictitious ratings below, the drop off from Hightower to whoever has to replace him is probably larger than most.

 

Brady 101 OVR, Garoppolo 82 OVR = 19 pt variance

Hightower 97 OVR, LB replacement 54 OVR = 43 pt variance

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2 minutes ago, Bodom said:

 

Hightower might actually be worse.  Using the completely made up, fictitious ratings below, the drop off from Hightower to whoever has to replace him is probably larger than most.

 

Brady 101 OVR, Garoppolo 82 OVR = 19 pt variance

Hightower 97 OVR, LB replacement 54 OVR = 43 pt variance


Kyle Van Noy has exactly 2 months to figure out how be the defensive play adjuster.

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4 minutes ago, gojiphen malor said:

 

David Harris should see more time. At least they have a vet there who's been a starter.

 

More time? Definitely. But the Patriots are clearly limiting his reps. Dude has played 5% of all snaps so far in the season. I think Harris makes for a great run stuffer, but the Patriots need/expect so much more from their LB crew--dropping into coverage, moving to the edge occasionally, etc.. Come back Ninkovich!

Edited by Maynard_G_Krebs

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14 minutes ago, Maynard_G_Krebs said:

I get a very troubled, self-sabotaging Titus Young (former Detroit WR) vibe from Martavis Bryant.

 

Ughh.. I had forgotten about Titus Young. Arrested twice in one day.

Kinda reminds me of another Lions 1st round bust :

 


 

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Patriots Watch:

 

Patriots are headed into the bye with the offense kind of faltering and the defense stepping up. After 8 weeks of intently watching the Patriots play, I'm willing to officially cite that I'm hesitant of the Patriots off-season chances. Will they make the playoffs? Of course. They might even be able to pull out a #1 seed. But this year has proven as much as any year prior that anything is possible in today's NFL. I'm not confident in the Patriots off-season chances, were I to rate them by today's standard. There is still more than enough time for them to focus in as a group and get better, but it seems like as they improve, they lose a valuable member of their team that they then have to spend extra time accounting for moving forward, forcing them into something of a 2-steps-back-1-step-forward growth pattern.

I have confidence in the Pats; I'm just not overwhelmed with confidence. I'm incredibly grateful to the Eagles, Chiefs, and Steelers for pulling some of the spotlight away from the Patriots, so that they can focus on improving. I always appreciate the Patriots playing from a media-biased underdog scenario. Less spotlight the better, IMO.

Edited by Maynard_G_Krebs

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I expect the Chiefs to win tonight. That being said, if they don't, I forecast the immediate decline of Alex Smith's confidence, setting him back to the Alex Smith we've all known of since his 49ers days: a relatively decent game manager who is not championship material. Smith has to help his team win tonight, and if he doesn't, I don't expect the Chiefs to come out of the remainder of their 2017-2018 schedule with 10 total wins.

 

Good news for the Chiefs is that the Broncos literally don't have a single person on their team who can play the quarterback position.

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Yeah. My first reaction was one of "WHAAAA..."

...But then I started to think about it. Dude wasn't gonna get paid by the Patriots, and some team was gonna make him the offer. Was he great insurance for Brady this year? Definitely. But this is where they're getting the most value. I'm into it. Is it risky as f*ck? Yuuuuup. But if you're investing in a Brady-lead team at the end-ish of his career, then it's still a long-term-ish vision.

I'm down. But whoooooooooah nellie, it's all about Brady.

Edited by Maynard_G_Krebs

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1 minute ago, Maynard_G_Krebs said:

Yeah. My first reaction was one of "WHAAAA..."

...But then I started to think about it. Dude wasn't gonna get paid by the Patriots, and some team was gonna make him the offer. Was he great insurance for Brady? Sure. But this is where they're getting the most value. I'm into it. Is it risky as f*ck? Yuuuuup. But if you're investing in a Brady-lead team at the end-ish of his career, it's still a long-term vision.

I'm down. But whoooooooooah nellie, it's all about Brady.

 

Right?!  Has a team ever just had 1 QB on the roster?  Is Hoyer coming back as part of the deal?  Is Brady actually invincible?  (maybe)  Wondering if the Pats are going to immediately swing that pick for some players/help this year.  So many questions, so little patience.  Time to go on twitter for the next 3 hours...

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4 minutes ago, Bodom said:

 

Right?!  Has a team ever just had 1 QB on the roster?  Is Hoyer coming back as part of the deal?  Is Brady actually invincible?  (maybe)  Wondering if the Pats are going to immediately swing that pick for some players/help this year.  So many questions, so little patience.  Time to go on twitter for the next 3 hours...


Woooooah. I didn't even think about using the pick for trade value before the deadline. That would be amaaaaaazing.

Edited by Maynard_G_Krebs

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No Power Rankings this week.  Six NFL teams had their bye week, and they all kind of muck up my power rankings for the week.  Because I'm not going to move them around too much, this pretty much results in much of the NFL teams remaining in their respective rankings (the only noteworthy drop-offs belong to the Lions and Redskins, and the only notable climbs are the Ravens and Cowboys).  Because of this, there really isn't much there to discuss or move around.  Next week will be another six teams, and they are all on opposing sides of the Power Rankings; specifically the Patriots, Steelers, Vikings, Dolphins, Chargers, and Browns all have their byes next week.  So I'm gonna go the route of skipping this week and then making a comeback the week after.

 

Why doesn't the NFL simply grant 4 teams the bye each week from Week's 4-11, I have no idea.  In addition, every team that has to play in London will then be promptly rewarded with a bye the very next week.  Eh, what the heck?  A shame I don't have much to change in my power rankings, so...how about I roast every NFL team instead?

 

Buffalo Bills:  The Bills are a team with a legacy of failure written all over their resume.  They may be heading on their way out of the abyss of mediocrity, but let's face it; OJ Simpson, Wide Right, and the Music City Miracle that would cast the Bills into the swamp of mediocrity will remain this franchises' legacy unless they can somehow end the Patriots reign atop the AFC East, and especially win a Super Bowl.

 

Miami Dolphins:  Conglaturation on a Perfect Season that was mostly a result of a piss-easy schedule, especially given how much this team struggled in the postseason.  Still, they achieved perfection all the same, which the same cannot be said for another certain NFL team.  You do, however, manage to fail Dan Marino big time, have made the playoffs only twice since the Patriots took over and become a dynasty, and now, they are being pawned off as a possible London expansion team alongside the Jaguars.  Maybe you guys are good now, but you still have to play the whole season without a single bye week.

 

New England Patriots:  It's kind of hard to roast a team that consistently wins, but I'll try.  Spygate really did happen; Tom Brady is guilty of Deflategate beyond a shadow of a doubt; you were utter shit before Robert Kraft bought the football team, and you're gonna be in the same position the Bills were the entire century once Tom Brady either falls off a cliff or calls it a career.  Pray to God Brady doesn't get hurt at all, because if he goes down, buh-bye.  PS:  Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Joe Montana, and John Elway are all better QB's than Tom Brady.  But don't worry; he's still better than...no, I must not spoil the other NFL teams.

 

New York Jets:  Their only real success was Super Bowl III, which was pre-merger.  Ever since then, all the Jets squads, even the playoff teams had exactly only one thing in common; they were all butt fumbles.  That commercial where the kid in a family of Jets fans gets his hands on an OBJ jersey?  Not only was that a bit accurate, but it'd be even funnier if it was a Tom Brady or a Vince Wilfork jersey, while the other kids were wearing the jerseys of the butt and the fumble themselves.

 

Baltimore Ravens:  Ray Lewis was a total murderer and you guys fucking know it.  Also, Peyton Manning all but one time always had your guys' number, and the same can be said about the rest of the Colts organization.  Beyond all that, it's kind of hard to mock a team whose worst NFL season to date was a year 1 premiere 4-12 season, and then next worst said franchise ever finished in since then were 5-11 at the absolute worst.

 

Cincinnati Bungles:  The name says it all.  Also, haven't won a playoff game since 1990, and have been a complete failure under Marvin Lewis.  Too bad he's gonna get an extension soon because he won 3 games and will likely end up winning 2 or 3 more afterwards.

 

Cleveland Browns:  ...........................................................................................................................................................not even worth my time trying to roast.  Just pitiful.

 

Pittsburgh Steelers:  You're an organization that cannot beat New England, even in the games that matter most (you may have won two Super Bowls in three trips during the Patriots dynasty, but you never had to face the Patriots during either of these three runs); Big Ben is a fucking dickhead of epic proportions who, amidst all the rape allegations, decides to marry and have kids as a PR move; Antonio Brown and Martavius Bryant are a locker room cancer; and the less said about Le'Veon Bell's hip-hop career on the side, the better.

 

Houston Texans:  I'm gonna guess the Texans didn't learn a damn lesson from the 49ers a year prior as they decided to protest the anthem as a team after their owner noted how the NFL is allowing the inmates to run the asylum.  Given how their defense is utterly depleted, and every game the rest of the year will be decided by the amazing talents of rookie sensation Deshaun Watson carrying the entire squad on his shoulders week in and week out, I'm gonna predict a swift elimination from playoff contention by Christmas.

 

Indianapolis Colts:  At least you guys helped Peyton Manning win a Super Bowl.  Because Andrew Luck appears to be the next in a string of elite QB's this organization would have left down.  As a result, they are a team so bad that the only reason they even had 2 wins at all was because they were matched up with the Browns and 49ers, both winless as of this moment.  Speaking of which, the Broncos will probably end up plucking Andrew Luck, just like what we did with John Elway and Peyton Manning.  He'll probably have a better shot at winning a Super Bowl with the Broncos than with the Colts anyways.  No wonder the Colts are always motivated enough to beat us.

 

Jacksonville Jaguars:  A team that, by all accounts, should be piss easy to roast given the fact that this franchise has failed so miserably since its inception that it's already considered one of the ten lowliest NFL franchises in league history, and is the only expansion team in my lifetime to receive such a distinction.  The problem is, they're not even noteworthy enough to stand out as an abysmal team.  Either the Texans, Titans, Browns, or 49ers always end up outsucking them in some capacity or another.  And now they seem to be upgrading from bottom-feeder to walking mediocrity.  Conglaturation !!!  Have a participation Trophy award.  At least you're doing your best.

 

Tennessee Titans:  That touchdown pass back in the 1979/1980 AFC Championship game was most definitely an incomplete pass.  Even if it was called incorrectly, you still would end up getting your asses handed to you by the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Not to mention you failed Warren Moon, blew the whole organization up, relocated to Tennessee, and reached the Super Bowl.  In spite of all these things, you still failed miserably, and you still failed miserably to this very day.  You finally have a good QB, and yet you cannot win when it matters most because you are stuck in neutral with some of the most pathetically pedestrian and uninspired coaching of the entire league.  But take comfort; you're nowhere near the most pedestrian of coaching units.

 

Denver Broncos:  Oh, you thought being a Bronco fan, I was going to skip over my squad and look the other way during this roast!?  Heck, forget my comments about the Titans coaching staff; the Broncos coaching staff--specifically on offense--is some of the most insipid and uninspired units I've ever seen.  It makes Week 2 against the Cowboys appear like an odd anomaly when one takes into consideration the fact that ever since then, we have failed to score 20 points since Week 2.  This is what you get when you hire coaching staff based on the color of the coaches' skin rather than the qualifications as a head coach.  If Vance Joseph was actually a really good coach, I wouldn't care so much.  That sideline reporter in Week 1 by all accounts should have been a foreboding sign.

 

Kansas City Chiefs:  Since the merger, Andy Reid's hiring as head coach is perhaps the best thing ever to happen to the Chiefs, and they have since then found themselves winning consistently.  This pretty much means the Chiefs are either going to end up one-and-done in the playoffs, or sent packing by the Steelers come playoff time.  Still, I can still make plain the fact that this team had failed NFL legends the likes of Joe Montana, Marcus Allen, and Tony Gonzales.  And even with Marty Schot-er-Snot-er, fuck it!  Let's just call him Gleaming Marty.

 

LA Chargers:  I don't even need to roast the Chargers; their home crowds are so pathetic that it makes the 49ers and Rams stadiums seem packed by comparison.  To quote UrinatingTree on YouTube, FUCK YOU STAMOS!

 

Oakland Raiders:  All I need to mention are the Tuck Rule back in the 2001 divisional round; the next year, John Gruden was traded over to the Bucs, who then in turn made the Raiders their bitch so badly the Raiders wouldn't make it back to the playoffs until 2016.  Do I even need to mention Jamarcus Russell?  Not to mention Marshawn Lynch is beginning to look more and more like the colossal mistake that it truly was, and the Raiders will inevitably fuck off to Las Vegas, where they'll undoubtedly find themselves in the basement yet again.

 

Dallas Cowboys:  It seems way too easy to roast the Cowboys.  It seems like the entire NFL establishment is hell bent on screwing this organization at every turn.  Not just due to Jerry Jones outspoken demeanor or his political beliefs leaning more towards the right (which in turn will inevitably lead to the Ezekiel Elliot suspension being reinstated, and presumably in the period of time where it will hurt the club the most), but also with the Free Agency, the Salary Cap--all these things meant to sabotage and defang the Cowboys.  In a sense, I'd rather roast the NFL establishment and their self-destructing policies than go after the Cowboys.  Still, there is still one thing I can do to roast the Cowboys; it's name is the Steelers squad of the 1970's.

 

NY Giants:  No NFL franchise has ever derped their way to multiple Super Bowls as that of the Giants.  Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin essentially derp their way to Super Bowl champions back in 2007 and 2011.  Fuck it!  You're not even worth my time coming up with any roasting material.  Except...that you're 1-6, and are facing down the worst start for your franchise since 2013.  The Brandon Marshall curse will haunt you until he decides to call it a career.

 

Philadelphia Eagles:  Nobody outside of die-hard Eagles fans want them to succeed.  So I might as well mention how Terrell Owens joined the Cowboys, how the Giants derped their way to multiple Super Bowls, and how they still cannot beat former Eagles coach Andy Reid if their lives depended on it.  Also, for being the City of Brotherly Love, they sure do have a very odd way of showing it.  Who'd knew that brotherly love includes beating the crap out of out-of-town visitors, brandishing a crap ton of doom and gloom, throwing snowballs at Santa Claus, and bitching and moaning about every itty bitty thing on the planet, even though they're currently the best team in Football.  I'd call them some of the most thoroughly unpleasant and miserable sacks of shit on the face of the earth, but let's face it; that's Pennsylvania for you.  And besides, at least they come across as relatively classy as of late compared to a certain other team on the west coast.

 

Washington Redskins:  Hey, Social Justice Warriors; did you know that only 1 out of every 10,000 Native Americans in this country actually find the name offensive!?  I guess it's hard to take offense by a namesake of a Super Bowl dynasty.  Btw, where's the controversy surrounding the Blackhawks, the Indians, or any other sports teams based around natives!?  I know it's not about the Redskins themselves, but still, let's get pissed the fuck off and demand a Super Bowl dynasty to change their name because it offends an overwhelming minority of people.  The only people throwing bitch fits over the name if anything are a bunch of drive-by media propagandists, community organizers, and in general overly privileged white people.

 

Chicago Bears:  The victims of overwhelming nepotism and general organizational inbreeding.  Ever since Papa Bear Halas had died, the Bears became the greatest team the league had ever seen, only to disappear overnight with the disbandment of the Honey Bear cheerleading squad thanks to the overly feminist owner and daughter of Papa Bear herself, Virginia McCaskey.  Then she began dismantling all the core pieces left and right haphazardly and replacing them with a bunch of her own children and their devilish offspring in spite none of them knowing the fuck what they are doing when it comes to actually building a team.  Instead, it's pretty clear they only care about money, and will screw their own organization and fanbase over for decades on end if it means filling up their pockets with gold.  Even if Trubisky ends up becoming a promising quarterback, I make no promises that their fortune will change.

 

Detroit Lions:  The curse of Bobby Layne has grown so strong in fact that it's about to surpass it by a whole decade.  I dare not mention the names Barry Sanders or Calvin Johnson since they were among the best NFL players the team ever had, and all they have to show for it is one measly playoff victory for the former.  And now you make the typical mistake of overpaying your stars, and now the Lions have a colossal albatross around its own neck as the Lions inevitably choke on their own infantilism.  I'd bring up 0-16, but to be fair, that seems to be a badge of honor more than anything.  And some experts were projecting them to actually win the Super Bowl this year.....

 

Green Bay Packers:  With Aaron Rodgers down again, the Packers will get a taste of the basement this year.  Brett Favre became a Viking; and the Packers will make its inevitable return to the NFL gutter like it was back in the 70's and 80's.  That's what you get when you make close to zero moves in free agency, in spite the Patriots consistently proving that they know what they're doing in that regard.  Also, Mike McCarthy isn't a Cheese-Packer; he instead packs fudge alongside Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre.  Also, Brett Favre!?  Infinitely inferior to the likes of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Dan Marino, and Joe Montana among many others.  I think even Terry Bradshaw could kick his ass, and Favre is a huge guy.

 

Minnesota Vikings:  Joe Marshall running the wrong way; four Super Bowl losses in less than 10 years; a failed goal line opportunity in the 1987 NFC Championship game; the Hershel Walker trade; Wilde Left; a blow-out loss to the Giants; a constant string of mediocrity; a collapse from a 6-0 start; Brett Favre's interception at the end of regulation, combined with a Saints game-winning field goal attempt; and the wide left chipshot field goal attempt.  No NFL team quite encompasses what it means to wield the legacy of failure as a badge of honor quite like the Vikings.  In spite being one of the winniest organizations in all of sports, they still have yet to win a Super Bowl, let alone make it back in.

 

Atlanta Falcons:  All that needs to be mentioned are the words 28-3.  The Super Bowl choke, if you will.

 

Carolina Panthers:  As a Bronco fan, all that needs to be said is that I was proud to watch a Bronco squad led by a legendary QB who was merely a shell of his former self throw for a measly 120+ yards and still kick your 15-1 asses.  Ever since then, the Panthers have been in a more or less pilgrimage mode and are not terribly reliable when it comes to winning and winning consistently.  Betcha the Cam Newton squad has any understanding behind their team catch-phrase.  I can, but this is a roast, not a history lesson.

 

New Orleans Saints:  No NFL team took longer just to make it to the playoffs as the Saints.  Not the Browns; not the Texans; not even the Broncos can compare to the long, 20-year wait for a playoff debut.  And even then, they are the only NFL squad not counting the Texans to have failed to win a single playoff game during the 20th century.  Thank God Drew Brees is still playing solid football, and their defense decided to do something for a change.  Because once Brees retires, the Saints will be right back where they were when the paper bags were introduced, and they were known affectionately as the Aint's.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:  Considering just how sad and pathetic this whole entire organization's conception (heck, compared even to the long-standing NFL losers like the Browns or Bears), one has to wonder how this squad even got to a Super Bowl to begin with.  Winning it at least had an explanation in of itself.  But still, only one other NFL franchise is comparatively worst and less successful to that of the Buccaneers.

 

Arizona Cardinals:  A squad so fruitless that they only ever won a single, solitary NFL Championship all the way back in 1947, and would not win another postseason game again until 1998 when they pulled away with a road upset against the Cowboys.  Other than Kurt Warner breathing a bit of life into the organization, the Cardinals have otherwise been generally awful and close to devoid of anything remotely resembling talent.  And given the age of all their best players and the injury to Carson Palmer, and I say you're back in the garbage trunk, where you'll belong.

 

LA Rams:  So you packed up from St. Louis, picked Jared Goff over Carson Wentz due to the fact that Jared Goff looks more like a sexy Hollywood heartthrob rather than because he is that great, and yet you expect me to give you a pat on the back!?  If not for the fact that the Cardinals are aging badly and are as good as dead at this point in time, I'd never think about picking the Rams to win much of everything.  Then again, so long as they continue to optimize Todd Gurley, the Rams won't need to count on Goff to carry the team on his shoulders.  I'd speak about attendance, but let's face it; you packed and gave the people of St. Louis the middle finger just so you can play in a city that is notoriously picky when it comes to their sports teams not named the Lakers.

 

San Francisco 49ers:  Your fall from grace began when you decided to throw Jim Harbaugh under the buss, and it was all downhill from there.  The next year, next to every single player worth a damn during the Harbaugh years would end up either retiring or signing up with another squad.  The only exception to this role was Colin Kaepernick, who was never any good to begin with, and only looked that way because his offensive weapons were at least outstanding enough.  Then Colin Kaepernick got benched, and began this National Anthem Protests going on today.  And ever since then, the only team the 49ers have been able to win against all this time happens to be the Rams.  Twice.  Both times in 2016.  Maybe when you finally do away with this social justice warrior bullshit, and maybe you might get better as time goes on.

 

Seattle Seahawks:  In spite hating the 49ers' guts a few years ago, the Seahawks have taken inspiration from the 49ers to become the primary vessel of the American Left going forward.  The whole entire team--including the coaching staff, General Manager, Owner, and CEO, all protest the National Anthems in complete unity.  And since they themselves are the NFL's principle Social Justice Warriors,  if anything, they'll probably be the only NFL team that will survive acting like a bunch of man-child dickheads instead of professional athletes.  Still, they'll never win another Super Bowl again under those same practices.

 

Good night, everybody!

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On 10/30/2017 at 7:47 PM, Bodom said:

 

Right?!  Has a team ever just had 1 QB on the roster?  Is Hoyer coming back as part of the deal?  Is Brady actually invincible?  (maybe)  Wondering if the Pats are going to immediately swing that pick for some players/help this year.  So many questions, so little patience.  Time to go on twitter for the next 3 hours...

 

Looks like they didn't want to trade for Hoyer because of $$.

Brady is the new Blonda 

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I stand corrected.  Not only did Buffalo shit the bed against the Jets tonight, but Texans QB Deshaun Watson is our for the season as well.  Man, that is brutal!  Now the single reason you were able to rack up a crap ton of points is now gone.

 

Also, the Cowboys are going to be moving forward without Ezekiel Elliot.

 

And Trevor Simien got benched for Brock Osweiller.  Okay, so maybe that isn't such a bad idea.

 

Where do we go from here?  Tom Brady?  Carson Wentz?  The Legion of Boom?  It says a lot when it's becoming increasingly likely who our next playoff teams are going to be.  So far, I have to go with the following teams:  Patriots, Steelers, Chiefs, Titans, Bills, Jaguars, Eagles, Vikings, Saints, Rams, Seahawks, and either the Falcons or the Panthers (I'm leaning more towards the latter for now).

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On 11/2/2017 at 10:33 PM, buck said:

how much is the missing RB Elliot ("El-EE-Uht"...whispered like E.T.) going to effect the outcome of the KC/DAL game? 

 

He might serve that 6 game suspension 5 years from now.

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but the badass teams - with a view to the long-term [this-season/postseason] - in league right now, are:

 

Seattle

Philadelphia

New Orleans

Minnesota

Pittsburgh

Kansas City

 

on-edge:  LARams, New England

 

Edited by Big fan of Fentry, mahself
clarification.

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